The Creamy Crack Manifesto
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: Sparky and Buster decide to protest a hair show coming to Seattle when they find out the awful truth about the hair industry. Meanwhile, RK struggles at volleyball, and Jaylynn and Asil both have to deal with insecurities regarding their own hair.
1. The Creamy Crack Manifesto Script

_ Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 3

EPISODE 7

Airdate: November 9, 2014

Title: The Creamy Crack Manifesto

Segway Segment: Classic Music Videos ("Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)" by Jay-Z)

Satire/Social Commentary: African-American obsession with hair, destructive tendencies of hair care products, self-image

Special Guest Stars: James Brown as Himself

Written by Michael "frostyfreezyfreeze54" Anderson, animated by Paul Wardenson, storyboarded by Sherm Cohen, directed by Ken Lipman & Thomas W. Lynch

SCENE 1

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky and Buster come out of Ike's licking cones of Oreos ice cream)

BUSTER: OK, so Adolfa Shabba-Doo Queron. How about that?

SPARKY: No, that's a terrible fake name.

BUSTER: Hey, at least I'm trying!

(Sparky and Buster see a large crowd near the community center.)

SPARKY: What the hell? What's going on?

BUSTER: I don't know, but if it's the arrival of another syndicated dance show, I'm going to slit my wrists.

SPARKY: They still have those? I thought they died out in 1995 with spandex and Joe Montana's career.

BUSTER: You would be surprised at how popular those things are. Idiots want to cash in on every throwback imaginable. It's suckers like those that buy merchandise like this for no reason. (Buster shows off his Montreal Expos jersey underneath his jacket, and Sparky just gives him a bored stare. The two head over to the community center. Sparky taps an adult Caucasian male in a suit and tie on the back.)

SPARKY: Excuse me, mister, but what's all the commotion around here?

WHITE GUY: My name is Daniel and I work in a law firm, thank you very much. I think it has something to do with a hair show.

BUSTER: A hair show? You mean, like a black beauty pageant?

SPARKY: You don't have to be racist about it, Buster.

BUSTER: I'm not, I'm just reading the poster on the wall there.

(The camera pans on a poster for the Fifth Annual Pacific Northwest Hair Show, with the tagline "The Black Beauty Pageant.")

SPARKY: I wonder why everybody is getting so excited for a hair show.

ED MURRAY: And it's with great pride that I announce that Seattle is host of the Fifth Annual Pacific Northwest Hair Show. Not only will it pump millions of dollars into the local economy, it will also bring back the lost spirit of competition. And for you single male perverts, you can gawk at cool hair all day, how about it?

SPARKY: I still don't get what a hair show is.

BUSTER: Me either. Maybe we should get James Brown to explain it to us.

SPARKY: But he's dead.

BUSTER: Not that James Brown, the other one.

(An animated version of James Brown is shown in the studio for _The NFL Today, _with the _NFL on CBS _theme song playing in the background)

JAMES BROWN: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I'm James Brown, host of _The NFL Today _on CBS. The hair show is an event showcasing the wildest hairstyles imaginable from town to town, all for the right of being known as the most creative. Anything goes, and style points carry a large amount of weight. Salons compete against each other from various cities and areas, with women competing in raffles and frequenting the salons in question for the right to earn the title of hair model for that salon. The winning salon will not only be renovated, but extensive media coverage will be given to the event in general. Just another way to further help out the black community...I would imagine. Thank you for your time and remember to watch _The NFL Today _on CBS.

(James continues to smile seconds after he's done talking)

BUSTER: I like his voice. It's smooth and buttery.

SPARKY: So the hair show is just a way for Seattle to gain good publicity? Eh, that's not so bad.

GIRL #1: Bitch, I told you I be representing Shanice's Cuts in the hair show.

GIRL #2: Stop popping that arrogant bullshit, you know damn well Shanice is my homegirl, alright?

GIRL #1: Alright, well, let's go right now and settle it because errbody knows you can't be no hair model wit yo fake-ass weave!

GIRL #2: Well, at least I'm not a wig-wearing bitch like you!

RANDOM GUY: YO, SHE CAME AT HER LIFE!

(The two girls start fighting while Sparky and Buster back away and run away.)

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

(RK and Wade are in the lunch line, about to get their tray.)

WADE: So how was your day yesterday?

RK: What?

WADE: You know, three-day weekend. Spent some time snuggling with Anna?

RK: No, she was in Vancouver with her cousins. But you know what the girl did? She made my freaking day.

WADE: How?

RK: 112. Pictures. Of her. Sent through Facebook Messenger. I could not take so much sexuality. I only saved like, 54.

WADE: 54?! That's insane!

RK: I know, right? A good man takes what he can get at 75 and walks. Never have I ever felt such an uncontrollable urge to masturbate before.

WADE: But it was just 112 photos of someone you see every other day.

RK: Yeah, but she was wearing a wig. The hair stretched down to her ass. And every guy knows that long hair is one of the biggest turn-ons in the history of mankind.

WADE: I have to concur with that statement. Adriana is a European goddess. Just the way she flips her hair with her soccer uniform on...oh man, I need some H2O.

GILCANIA: RK.

RK: Oh boy, here comes the world's biggest turn-OFF. What do you want, Gilcy?

GILCANIA: You played horrible in volleyball today. And the day before that, and the day before that. Oh, should I also mention...

RK: OK, I get it, jackass. What do you want from me, volleyball isn't my sport. Too many rules and regulations. Everybody knows that RK Jennings spits in the face of rules and regulations.

WADE: Is that why you love tennis so much?

RK: That's different. Tennis is in an entirely different league. All that back-and-forth hitting, some stick-and-move action with your racket. It's awesome. I always like to say "I'm friends with Marin Cilic" after every point.

WADE: No, you don't.

RK: OK, I used to say "I'm friends with Roger Federer" but you have to update your references.

GILCANIA: Whatever the case, honey, you need to start playing better. The tournament is coming soon and we don't want to have to carry you in every round.

RK: Carry me? You guys aren't even that good!

GILCANIA: Two members of our team won the doubles tournament last year.

RK: Well, they're sluts. Whoring themselves out for volleyball, what the hell is that?

GILCANIA: Either way, you're going to have to improve if our team has any chance of winning the whole thing. That's it. Nothing else.

(RK gives Gilcania a disgusted stare)

GILCANIA: OK, whatever. See you, Wade.

WADE: Bye Gilcy!

RK: Can you believe that bitch? Who does she think she is, talking to the White Mamba like that?

WADE: RK, she just wants you to...wait, White Mamba?

RK: Yeah, I was thinking of a nickname on the side for myself. What do you think?

WADE: I think you're going to get shot if you ever say that in public.

SCENE 3

Northgate Community Center

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

(Jaylynn and Asil are on their way to poetry class.)

JAYLYNN: Hey, have you heard about this hair show everybody's talking about?

ASIL: That's how I know about it...nobody ever shuts up.

JAYLYNN: I know, right? It's disgusting. A way to degrade women by having them walk around like trained dogs covered in loads of unhealthy chemicals and a fake sense of pride. Bite me.

ASIL: So, you think the hair show is equal to a dog show.

JAYLYNN: Of course it is. In fact, it might as well be prostitution. And women acting like whores is wrong.

ASIL: But you think Emily Ratajkowski has every right to do it?

JAYLYNN: That's actually not true. She can do it because she knows how to pull it off.

(Asil gives Jaylynn a bored stare. Her eyes widen and then she sucks her teeth.)

ASIL: Oh no.

JAYLYNN: What is it?

ASIL: Those stupid blonde girls are there again. Every time they're here, all they do is smoke weed and make fun of us.

JAYLYNN: Asil, don't let them get to you. Remember, no one can make you angry without your consent. We'll walk right in and pretend they're not even there. OK?

ASIL: OK, let's go.

JAYLYNN: Good. See, some people have terrible judgment but Jaylynn Michelle Huie...she always knows what's best. Ms. Don't Give a (Bleep) all day, err day.

(Asil just gives Jaylynn a blank stare and the two start walking towards the entrance again. The three blonde girls surrounding the area recognize them from the jump.)

BLONDE GIRL #1: Oh, look, it's Towelhead and Burn Victim. You guys are so cute walking together like a married couple of faggots.

(The camera pans on Jaylynn briefly)

JAYLYNN: YOU'RE (BLEEP)ING DEAD!

(Jaylynn tries to go after the blonde girl but she runs away and Asil has to restrain her)

ASIL: Jaylynn, Jaylynn, heel, boy. Heel. Whatever happened to ignoring them?

JAYLYNN: Forget that, bro, they just came at my life! Look at you idiots, loading up on all that freaking pot. I mean, I smoke too, but at least I try to do it on occasion. I don't try to end up looking like Lindsay Lohan on a bender.

BLONDE GIRL #2: I think you stopped smoking because you burned your hair off.

JAYLYNN: What?

BLONDE GIRL #2: You burned your hair off, that's why you stopped smoking.

JAYLYNN: The (bleep) is your problem, I cut my hair and dyed it red, I never burned it.

BLONDE GIRL #3: Either way, you and your friend both have ugly-looking hair.

ASIL: How do you know that? I'm wearing a hijab, so obviously, you can't see my hair.

BLONDE GIRL #1: Yeah, because you're ashamed of it. You have to wear that stupid towel just to hide the fact that your hair is shit.

ASIL: My hair is long and black, so I don't really think it's shit. You know, it's people like you that make Muslims disgusted when it comes to America.

BLONDE GIRL #2: So why do you wear that towel? You should be proud of who you are, you shouldn't hide it.

ASIL: IT'S MY CULTURE, DON'T YOU GET IT?!

JAYLYNN: Asil, let's just go.

(Jaylynn pulls a hostile Asil into the community center)

ASIL: YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT AND I'M ONLY 10, OR ELSE YOUR ASSES WOULD BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!

BLONDE GIRL #3: Those two are so freaking weird.

BLONDE GIRL #1: Totally. It's ridic. Hey, do you guys know the burn victim is gay?

BLONDE GIRL #2: I thought she was bisexual.

BLONDE GIRL #3: You can't be bisexual, that's just something people in that group say. If you're a girl and you want some pussy, you're gay for life.

SCENE 4

The Vidal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

SPARKY: Halley, do I really have to do this? I'm not a girl, what do I know about hair?

HALLEY: Yeah, but if my boyfriend likes my new look, then everyone will get used to it in no time. Plus, I need someone with great judgment. So, blue dye or green dye? What do you think?

SPARKY: It really doesn't matter to me, you look fine right now.

HALLEY: Blue dye...or green dye?

(Sparky lets out an Ashley-like sigh)

SPARKY: Blue dye.

ONE HOUR LATER...

HALLEY: I was thinking that if I try blue with green streaks, it will make me feel more accepted by everyone else. Green with blue streaks is like, mad much work. What do you think?

SPARKY: It's fine, Halley. Everything is fine, Halley.

(The camera starts zooming in on an exhausted and possibly insane Sparky.)

(voice slowly fading out) HALLEY: Sparky? Sparky, can you hear me? Are you OK, Sparky? Sparky?! SPARKY?!

(Sparky then wakes up in the lunchroom after constantly being tapped by Buster)

BUSTER: Sparky?! SPARKY?!

SPARKY: EVERYTHING IS FINE, HALLEY, LEAVE ME ALONE!

(Sparky stretches out his arms and ends up accidentally slapping Buster out of his seat)

BUSTER: GAH!

SPARKY: Oh, Buster, I'm sorry, are you OK?

BUSTER: Are you insane?! My back is broken and my leg is twisted!

SPARKY: Gosh, I couldn't have hurt you that bad.

BUSTER: Yeah, I know, I'm just goofing on you. If you had knocked me two inches to the left, I would've banged my head on the metal part of the table and possibly died on impact, but it's great to be alive. What's wrong with you? You've been mumbling to yourself and talking about Halley's name all morning.

SPARKY: Ugh, yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. Do you know what it's like to help your girlfriend out with her hair dye?

BUSTER: No.

(Sparky and Buster give each other bored stares)

SPARKY: OK, well, anyway, I had to help Halley for almost two hours with her stupid hair. Picking out colors, picking out tracks, having to stay with her while she dyes her hair because she was too scared to do it alone. God, I'm so sick of this stupid hair show. When it goes away, I'm going to be blessed.

BUSTER: What does this have to do with the hair show?

SPARKY: Haven't you noticed? That's what all the girls and women of this city are focused on. If they're not being hair models, they want their hair to look the best in the crowd. Then you have people travel here just to see stupid-ass hair. Why do girls care about this? It's just dead skin. Why are we killing ourselves over dead skin? That's un-American!

BUSTER: That sounds like something RK would say.

SPARKY: I know, it's giving me a rash. I don't know, man, I just can't do this anymore. I have to find a way to get rid of this hair show before everybody gets brainwashed.

BUSTER: Sparky, don't you think you're taking this way out of porpoise?

(long pause)

SPARKY: Buster, the term is "way out of proportion."

BUSTER: Same diff, stop taking things out of porpoise, it's not good for you. Look, we haven't seen anything really bad so far so I don't see what the big deal is. This hair show is great for the city.

(Sparky and Buster hear a loud slap, and suddenly see two girls fighting and kids cheering until security comes to break it up)

SPARKY: Isn't that Emily and Mona? Like, best friends Emily and Mona?

BUSTER: You mean, those girls that eat from the same plate and sleep in the same bed?

SPARKY: I think you're thinking of somebody else. This is a freaking shocker. I wonder what they were fighting about.

The next thing you see is Mona in front of Sparky and Buster near the main office.

MONA: She said her hair was better than mine and I said you're acting like a child, so she started pushing me about my hair and I said her hair looks like some curled-up shit that a gardener wouldn't touch. I slapped her and she started fighting me.

SPARKY: You two have been best friends since you came to this school and you were fighting over hair?!

MONA: Hey, blame her. She's the one that kept forcing it. And honestly, my hair is way better than hers. She just wants to make it look nice for the hair show.

(Mona walks away at that point)

BUSTER: OK, Sparks, we need to do something fast.

SPARKY: What do you suggest?

BUSTER: Operation Chocolate Pudding. It starts in a junkyard...

SPARKY: Alright, I know this isn't going to go anywhere. How about we just talk to Wade? He knows everything about everything.

BUSTER: You mean, he knows SOMETHING about everything. And how is he going to help? I thought it was the hair show that was ruining Seattle.

SPARKY: Yeah, but with Wade's brain, I bet he'll come up with all sorts of tips about what to do.

BUSTER: Yeah!

(Emily walks out of the main office at that point)

EMILY: Was Mona talking shit about me out here?

SPARKY: No.

BUSTER: It ain't Ralph though.

SCENE 5

The Huie Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Jaylynn is reading a copy of _The National Enquirer _with the headline "Tupac Sighting Found on Elvis' Toilet" on the front page. Asil walks in at that very moment.)

ASIL: Hey Jaylynn. Can we talk?

JAYLYNN: Just a minute, I need to finish this article. (Jaylynn starts cackling like a hyena) You don't do that with rubber!

ASIL: _The National Enquirer_? Jaylynn, why do you waste your money on this...oh my God, Janet Jackson has three nipples?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, one of them went missing a decade ago. What did you want to talk about?

ASIL: Do you think those girls were right about our hair?

JAYLYNN: What? Of course not. They're just a bunch of jealous blonde bitches. We have awesome hair.

ASIL: I don't know. I think my hair is too long. It's weird.

JAYLYNN: You saying your long hair is weird is like me saying being lesbian is weird. Asil, you can't always focus on what people say and think about you because you're never going to be comfortable with yourself that way. You have to just take your hand, raise up the middle finger, and walk around like those people wish they were you.

ASIL: I guess, but I can't settle for being weird. I want people to like me and it's pretty obvious I'm doing something wrong. That's why I got this.

(Asil holds up a white bottle)

JAYLYNN: Are you insane?! Asil, I know you're feeling down, but you don't need to be a drunk!

ASIL: Jaylynn, it's not alcohol.

JAYLYNN: Oh man, because I thought...never mind. What is that anyway?

ASIL: It's a special formula I got online that helps you shorten your hair.

(talking slowly in a mocking tone) JAYLYNN: You do realize you could just cut it, right?

ASIL: I know that, genius. But I'm too scared to do it myself. I've never cut my hair before and I don't want to start now.

JAYLYNN: Fine, I'll cut it, I have scissors in my bathroom.

ASIL: NO! No one touches my hair. I'm going to trust this formula. It promises immediate results so my hair will look more normal.

JAYLYNN: Asil, this is ridiculous. The term normal is ridiculous, your hair is just fine.

ASIL: Maybe, but my future husband might not think so. I have to be prepared. Hey, you're always talking about how you've wanted longer hair again. I could get you a hair growth formula.

JAYLYNN: That's OK, I like it when it grows back naturally. Plus, I like this look because it makes me cool with the fellas.

ASIL: I thought you liked girls.

JAYLYNN: The skate park fellas, my thrash buddies. So don't worry about it, I don't need some silly formula.

ASIL: Are you sure? It doesn't cost much.

JAYLYNN: I'm not the one paying for it and more importantly, I'm sure.

ASIL: You know, you might score some cuties in town if your hair was long right now. I mean, I could make some calls, we could arrange something.

JAYLYNN: Stop trying to bribe me, I don't need the damn formula!

ASIL: I think you're lying to me.

JAYLYNN: I'M NOT!

SCENE 6

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

(It's time for a volleyball game between RK's team and Wade's team. The score is 19-15 in favor of Wade's team. The first team to 20 points wins.)

MANNY: And with the Demons of Volleyball leading by four points and just one more point to win, they'll be in good position heading into the big tournament on Friday. Will, as a volleyball fan yourself, what do you think Generic Team Name needs to do to beat the Demons?

WILL: Well, what was once an 18-9 score has been significantly reduced as two members of Generic Team Name have really stepped up: Gilcania Maria and Nashaun Bryan. Crisp serving, excellent communication and a high amount of energy has really given Generic Team Name the edge here.

MANNY: That's not what I asked you at all but thank you for that pointless comment. (Will angrily stares at Manny) The Demons' time to serve, Halley Vidal will make it.

(Halley uses an underhand serve and the ball goes to Gilcania, who nearly gets the point but Wade makes a desperation bump. It's not strong enough so Andrew Heisenberg connects with a set. It deflects off Carmel Cato's head but RK isn't quick enough to react in time and he misses the shot wildly. Nashaun tries to make a dive in desperation, but it is pointless as the Demons of Volleyball win the game.)

(imitating Joe Rogan) MANNY: IT'S OVER! IT'S ALLLLLLLLLLLLL OVER! THE DEMONS GET THE LAST OUNCE OF MOMENTUM FOR THE TOURNAMENT! Andrew Heisenberg, the hero of the game with a beautiful set to clinch it for the Demons.

WILL: You know, Generic Team Name went toe-to-toe with one of the best teams in the school and made a ferocious comeback but it just wasn't enough. Hopefully, they'll make some much-needed defensive adjustments heading into Friday.

GILCANIA: Nice job, RK.

NASHAUN: You bitch made, boy.

WADE: I still love you, man.

(Everybody walks off the court leaving RK and Halley)

HALLEY: I may not be in any place to say this but...you're terrible.

RK: Now I know I suck. All you're good at is baby serving! Aw man, the freaking tournament is in two days and if I don't get better now, my team is going to lose in the first round.

HALLEY: I don't think so, your team has enough talent. But with you on it, it will be a miracle if they get past the quarterfinals.

RK: Thank you, Halley. Why are you still here? You're Sparky's girlfriend, we don't interact.

HALLEY: Because I know someone that can help. Asil and her team won the citywide volleyball tournament last year.

RK: So? How does that help me, I hate Asil.

HALLEY: Stop being so (bleep)ing difficult. Asil can help you with whatever you need. She's one of the best offensive players I've ever seen and her defense is killer too. You learn some tips from her, pretty soon you'll be one of the best on your team.

RK: Well, it's not like I have anything to lose. I'll do it!

HALLEY: Good. By the way, what do you think of my hair? I just dyed it.

RK: I would say something about that, but I don't want to say anything you're not going to like.

SCENE 7

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

SPARKY: So that's why we came to you, Wade.

(bored) BUSTER: We're being joined in progress, aren't we?

SPARKY: Unfortunately, yeah.

WADE: Well, guys, you came to the right place. I've actually been studying hair lately. In fact, these past couple of days, I've been collecting ingredients for a brand-new follicular stimulant.

SPARKY: Really? How good is it? Or will be?

WADE: Perfection, top of the line, state of the art. OK, I haven't been planning it closely yet, but once I come back with results, you'll be impressed.

BUSTER: Are you going to lecture us about the history of hair shows? Because we just want to know how bad this is going to get before we do anything about it. And I would rather eat my own hair than hear another lecture.

WADE: Of course not. I've got something a little better than that. Come with me to my home theater.

SPARKY AND BUSTER: Home theater?

(Sparky and Buster follow Wade to his custom-made home theater, which looks just like the real thing.)

BUSTER: Holy shit on a crap sandwich, this is incredible!

SPARKY: And how.

WADE: Thank you. I built this a while ago, but I almost never have any use for it. So thank you for making my theater feel important.

BUSTER: Oh my God, these seats are amazing! Did you use Trey Songz' skin for these?

WADE: No, I used genuine beige leather. Makes you feel like you're at home because you are. I call it Wadehound leather, what do you think?

SPARKY: Eh?

BUSTER: It ain't Ralph though.

WADE: That's what I thought. I'll just put in the clip.

(Wade goes to the projector and grabs the DVD, which is in a case that says: _The History of Hair Shows: From Lindy-Hopping to Whatever the F*** It is Now._ He proceeds to put the DVD in the projector and sits down with Sparky and Buster.)

BUSTER: I don't get it. Why does everything look so old and modern at the same time?

WADE: Well, this was actually released a couple of months ago but to give everything an old-school feel, it's grainy and black-and-white.

SPARKY: Huh. Kinda cheesy.

WADE: I know. Ooh, it's starting.

(The instrumental to "Raise the Flag" by X Clan playing in the background)

VOICEOVER: In 1927, Joseph R. Cordova wanted to introduce something new to the world of beauty pageants. Something that would put the focus on a certain feature of women rather than the women themselves. He noticed that hairstyles were growing more and more outlandish, so to help bring even more attention to it, he created the modern hair show. The first one was held at Madison Square Garden a year later and featured women from all over the country. The format was national for just a decade until the first international hair show was held in 1938 in Paris, with regional and citywide hair shows soon following.

(A clip is shown of the 1939 World Hair Show in Rio de Janeiro, with spectators filling up the streets)

VOICEOVER: For many years, African-American women were denied entry in hair shows. To fix this problem, they decided to feel acceptance by imitating the hairstyles that the increasingly popular hair shows were showcasing. Shirley Ruffin had grown tired of seeing black women degrade themselves by trying to be clones and bending over backwards for the man. So in 1947, two decades after the show was first conceived, the first-ever Negro Hair Show was held in New York City. And to show his support, Cordova was one of the judges. The Negro Hair Show became very profitable along with the more mainstream one, and the media hyped up both shows airing on TV at the same time for the first time in 1958. The Negro Hair Show dominated the ratings, and a year later, the now-Macy's-sponsored hair show was integrated for the first time.

SPARKY AND BUSTER: Cool.

WADE: I know.

(The instrumental to "I Gave You Power" by Nas playing in the background)

VOICEOVER: But there was a serious dark side. Oftentimes, in order to straighten their hair and compete with white women, black women would often use relaxers to make their hair less curly and more manageable for mainstream society. This industry practice has been in effect for several years, and has only increased in the black community. From hair salons to simple at-home shenanigag Dada, hair relaxers have killed a business while keeping it afloat. The hair show concept has even become more synonymous with African-Americans as time has gone by. Last year alone, over 500,000 containers of lye were reportedly used for hair purposes. It has lead to serious addictions, and many have been forced to step away from the business due to repeated relaxer use.

BUSTER: Ewww, they used lye for their back then?

WADE: Still do.

VOICEOVER: While hair shows contribute thousands of dollars to their host city, it has also led to panic, chaos, and paranoia for the public. During the 1995 Mid-Atlantic Hair Show in New York, gunfire broke out, leaving fifteen people injured and nine dead. Riots occur yearly from hostile crowds, leaving nothing but trash, limp bodies, and destruction of property. After the incident at the 2000 West Hair Show in Los Angeles, where one of the contestants was stabbed to death by a rival salon, the city was banned from hosting shows for five years. The hair show. A proud institution with a twisted background.

(The DVD stops playing at that point)

SPARKY: That...that's disgusting.

BUSTER: This hair show is going to tear Seattle apart!

SPARKY: Not if we have anything to do about it.

WADE: What do you mean, Sparky?

SPARKY: I mean, we're going to boycott the show and get it moved to another city!

WADE: But that almost never works. The hair show is in two weeks, and you guys don't have nearly enough resources to take down what's essentially become a business of its own.

SPARKY: Well, we've had our backs against the wall in the past and that hasn't stopped us, has it?

WADE: I guess not, but...

BUSTER: I think we should do this. We have to teach those people that they can't do that to their hair just to look pretty. I say, it's time someone steps up and says that you can't do what you're trying to do. Let's do this, Sparky.

SPARKY: Alright, we can organize a petition, make signs, try to get time on the news. It can work. And we have two weeks to spare.

WADE: Guys, for years, hair shows have been protested against and criticized by the media but they just keep going. In fact, since 1999, only eight shows have been moved to another location and only two have been cancelled completely.

SPARKY: Well, let's be the ninth.

BUSTER: YEAH! Let's start a protest! Just one thing.

SPARKY: Yeah, Buster?

BUSTER: I have a ton of paperwork, you think you can handle everything?

(Sparky angrily stares at Buster)

BUSTER: What, my boss has been cracking down on me to sell more chocolate!

SEGWAY SEGMENT

CLASSIC MUSIC VIDEOS

Artist: Jay-Z

Song: Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)

Album: _Vol 2_..._Hard Knock Life_

Year: 1998

Label: Roc-a-Fella, Def Jam

"Hard Knock Life" turned Jay-Z into a worldwide sensation, and has become one of the most recognizable songs in hip-hop history. The song was produced by The 45 King, and features a prominent sample of "It's a Hard Knock Life" from the 1977 Broadway musical _Annie_.

(The video for "Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)" starts playing)

SCENE 8

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky and Buster are making picket signs for their boycott, one of which noticeably reads "Lye is Murder")

SPARKY: OK, so I think we should be aggressive but not insane. We just need people to understand.

BUSTER: Exactly. We want to threaten ya, while not exactly doing anything with ya. Good call, Dr. Moschino.

(Sparky gives an unknowing Buster a bored stare. Jaylynn walks in at that moment.)

JAYLYNN: Hey guys.

SPARKY AND BUSTER: Hey.

JAYLYNN: I have a problem with Asil.

BUSTER: What, you can't control your feelings anymore?

JAYLYNN: No, that's over for now. I mean, she's not confident with the way she looks anymore. She wants her hair to be shorter so she can look more normal around people.

SPARKY: But she wears a hijab, no one is supposed to see her hair anyway.

JAYLYNN: That's what I told her, but she won't listen to me. It's like I'm talking to a big fat rock. She never acts like this.

SPARKY: Well, Jay, you need to set her straight and let her know that she's beautiful just the way she is, no matter what people say to her.

BUSTER: And if that doesn't work, just smack her up.

JAYLYNN: Buster, I would never do that to Asil unless I was high.

BUSTER: Well, we have to think about every option here! Our country was based on options. By the way, why does your hair look shorter?

JAYLYNN: Eh, Asil finally talked me into letting her buy me this hair growth crap that I don't even think works. If anything, I'm losing hair instead of gaining it. What are these for?

SPARKY: We're protesting the hair show and hopefully getting it moved out of Seattle.

JAYLYNN: You really think you can pull it off? The show is in two weeks.

SPARKY: Eh, we got this. It'll be like vanilla pudding in a Reese's cup.

JAYLYNN: What?

SPARKY: I don't know, I'm not always good with being snappy.

JAYLYNN: Well, I hope you get it done. I think this hair show is starting to hurt people's brains or something.

BUSTER: Not me. I can't get hurt up there anymore.

JAYLYNN: Um...

BUSTER: And it's not because I'm stupid. I would tell you, but to do that, we would need to push the rating up.

SCENE 9

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(RK starts pacing back and forth.)

RK: I can't do this. I hate Asil. She's my worst enemy. It's like Batman asking The Joker for dating advice. Wait, why the hell would he do that? I need to think: How important is this to me? (long pause as RK puts his hand on his chin) You know what, screw it, whatever I can't get done today can wait until tomorrow.

(RK sits down, turns on the TV at that moment and starts flipping through channels when KG comes in carrying a crude-looking ventriloquist dummy)

KG: Afternoon, brother.

RK: What's up, K...

(RK notices the dummy and his eyes widen)

RK: Should I ask, or are you going to explain it in a long, drawn-out story?

KG: Look, kids obviously love puppets, right?

RK: I suppose so.

KG: Well, I figure if I make jokes for kids, I'll get more respect from other comedians and people will think I'm better than I should be.

RK: Why would they think that?

KG: Because I'll be doing kids' comedy. All kids need are some random crap to hold them over.

RK: I'm a kid. I think you're underestimating our brains. And what's that thing that Chucky threw up?

KG: It's my new dummy, Monty. Isn't he handsome?

RK: Yeah, in some twisted, bane of the devil's anus-type way. Why do you have him?

KG: Every kid's comedian needs a sidekick. See, he has the most hilarious voice. (as Monty) Hey homeboy, Halloween's over. You can take off that mask now.

(The camera does an extreme close-up of RK's confused face)

KG: WHAT'S UP WITH THAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!

RK: Great, so now you're stealing jokes?

KG: Hey, no one will know what I'm referencing. Everybody knows kids aren't that smart.

RK: Seriously? Are you really doing this right now? I'm a freaking kid!

KG: Are you sure? I thought you were 22 or something.

(RK just leaves the couch and walks upstairs annoyed)

KG: WHAT'S UP WITH THAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!

SCENE 10

Sparky and Buster are out on the town with notepads, heading towards Northgate.

BUSTER: What are we doing here? The show is two weeks away.

SPARKY: I want to see how bad the show is going to be before we do any protesting. So let's go to the hair salons and see what they're doing to get ready.

(From this point forward, everything is seen through Sparky and Buster's perspective, as if they're filming their experiences on a video camera)

SHAILENE'S MAGIC SALON

3:45 PM PST

SPARKY: So, what do you use to straighten hair here at Shailene's?

SHAILENE: Well, we have to use lye and it creates a burning sensation at first because your hair is not used to that kind of material in it when you start off. Our customers eventually get used to it. But we also find other ways to straighten hair that are less expensive and less dangerous for first-timers. See this big tub here?

BUSTER: Yeah.

SHAILENE: It's chicken fat.

SPARKY: Why would you put chicken fat in a woman's hair?

SHAILENE: Because it's cheap and it works the same way as lye. It makes the hair thick and it smells like KFC. It's not the best thing around, but you have to do you, you know what I mean?

SPARKY: I guess so.

BEAUTY AT BERNADETTE'S

3:57 PM PST

BERNADETTE: We won the hair show two years ago for our hornet's nest hairstyle so I think we need to beef it up a bit this year.

BUSTER: Is that why people were so drunk that night?

BERNADETTE: Yeah, they were celebrating. Here, we specialize in creamy crack.

SPARKY: What...what is that?

BERNADETTE: It's slang for lye. They call it that because it gets addictive and so many people have suffered from withdrawal. One girl over in Tacoma got a burned scalp because she used too much of it. You have to be smart with this stuff.

BUSTER: So who's this little cutie pie?

BERNADETTE: Oh, this is Jane, she's a first-timer so we're going to have to go easy on the creamy crack.

SPARKY: You're going to put lye in that little girl's hair?

BERNADETTE: Of course, baby, everybody has to start at some time. We get girls this young all the time. Of course, we have to do some clearance with the parents first but all of that's worth it because the girls love it.

SPARKY: Jane, honey, could I ask a question?

JANE: OK.

SPARKY: Why are you getting your hair straightened?

JANE: Because I want to be pretty like...my friends.

MARCO'S OFF THE TOP SHOP

4:10 PM PST

BUSTER: Are you Marco?

BRIAN: No, I'm Brian, do I look Italian to you?

BUSTER: What can you tell us about your hair care products for girls and women?

BRIAN: Son, this is a barbershop. We don't do shit here but cut hair and talk about rappers.

BUSTER: Stop playing dumb and give up the codswalla!

(imitating Michael Yarmush) SPARKY: BUSTER?!

(The camera angles go back to their normal orientation as Sparky and Buster walk out of another salon.)

SPARKY: Dude, did you hear what they were saying about a person's hair? My God, this is disgusting.

BUSTER: Lye, chicken fat, grease. Are they straightening hair, or making a gourmet meal?

SPARKY: I don't know what to do anymore, man. I feel like if we protest, we'll be responsible for so many people losing their jobs. But if we don't, all of this will continue and it'll be all our fault.

BUSTER: Ah, don't put too much heat on yourself, Sparks. It's them that have to explain why they pull this crap. These people are evil. I hate them. They're worse than rapists and misogynists combined.

(voice a little more soft-spoken) SPARKY: I wouldn't go so far as to say that, Buster. But you're right. We have to take a stand now or nothing will ever change. Let's organize that petition, buddy!

(Buster smiles)

SCENE 11

The Huie Household

Interior Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

(It's morning time in Seattle. The camera does a close-up on Jaylynn's face. She wakes up and immediately realizes that something's wrong.)

JAYLYNN: Wait a minute...NO.

(The bathroom is then shown as Jaylynn runs to the mirror, now bald. She screams the minute she sees her new look.)

JAYLYNN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

SCENE 12

The Mousa Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

JAYLYNN: WHAT THE FREAKING HELL, ASIL?! I CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL LOOKING LIKE THIS!

ASIL: Jaylynn, please just calm down.

JAYLYNN: HOW CAN I CALM DOWN?! I'M BALD NOW! MY HAIR IS GONE! I'VE LOST MY SEX APPEAL TO OTHER GIRLS!

ASIL: Um...I'm going to have to show you something.

(Asil pulls off her hijab and reveals nothing but baldness)

JAYLYNN: Oh my God, you're bald too?!

(now in hysterics as well as she pulls her hijab back on) ASIL: YES! I thought the formula would work, but it turns out it removes more hair than I thought!

JAYLYNN: SEE THAT?! YOU SEE THAT?! YOU WERE PRETTY ENOUGH, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THOSE IDIOTS?!

ASIL: I DON'T KNOW! I THOUGHT I WOULD BE PRETTY, BUT I'M EVEN UGLIER THAN I USED TO BE!

JAYLYNN: WE BOTH LOOK HORRIBLE!

ASIL: I KNOW, I'M SORRY!

(Jaylynn and Asil start breaking down when RK walks in)

RK: Asil, I...

(RK notices Jaylynn and Asil breaking down, and becomes confused instantly)

RK: Bye.

(RK leaves at that very moment, with Jaylynn and Asil never even knowing he was there in the first place)

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

RK: Well, it's a good thing I taught myself how to play. I can't wait to be one of the star players on Generic Team Name. Who knows? They might name me the MVP. I'm going to have to take home the Chevy.

(standing behind RK) HALLEY: You do realize that you're nine and you're obviously not going to be given a Chevy, right?

RK: W...Why are you always doing that?

TEN MINUTES LATER

WILL: And with the score 18-16 in favor of the Killer Spikers, Generic Team Name needs to step up and put some more points on the board if they want to see the second round.

MANNY: Well, yeah, obviously, how else would they see it?

(Will takes off his headset momentarily)

WILL: You know what, (bleep) you and (bleep) your mother.

(Manny is in absolute shock as Will puts back on his headset)

WILL: And Generic Team Name is just about ready to serve. None other than RK Jennings getting it done.

("Tick Tick Boom" by The Hives playing in the background)

RK uses an overhand serve, but it loses power and Nashaun comes out with a set over the net. 18-17, Killer Spikers. RK serves again and it goes to Jake Krieger, who uses a bump to send it to Carmel. He spikes it to Ashley, who falls over trying to hit it. 18-18. RK uses the less advanced underhand serve but it still works effectively as Travis hits a beautiful bump. Gilcania goes for a set, but Jake hits a bump as well. Carmel spikes it again, and it goes over Travis' head only for Ashley to unlikely save the day with a well-timed bump. Not even Nashaun has an answer for it and he mistimes his shot. 19-18, Killer Spikers. Generic Team Name decides to rotate so now RK takes Nashaun's place and Carmel serves. For the Killer Spikers, Malik is up and he hits an overhand serve for Gilcania to set with aggression. Jake spikes it, but Nashaun has a more powerful block and it lands fair. 19-19. RK gets nervous as Carmel serves it up. Ashley hits a set, but it has no power until Travis hits a bump. RK hits a miraculous spike and he starts showboating as everyone is in awe. Believing he was the hero of the game, RK doesn't pay attention to what else is happening. Ashley responded with a lazy bump that could've easily been brought back for the game-winner, but RK never sees it land right past him. 20-19, Killer Spikers.

GILCANIA: **RK!**

RK: I know, right? Did you see that spike? Perfecto. Did you...(RK notices the ball behind him and immediately realizes what happened) So you think the Giants could do it again this season?

SCENE 14

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

PACIFIC NORTHWEST HAIR SHOW ONE WEEK AWAY

(Sparky is on his laptop with Buster right next to him)

BUSTER: What's our next move, chief?

SPARKY: Well, we're protesting on Saturday which is the day before the event so we're going to have a little fun with the press. "Attention all news media, we're letting the world know that hair shows are nothing more than a glorified liability now. So we need your help to get the word out. Newspapers, magazines, TV stations. We're ready to let you know the cold truth." I hope that works. We only have a week to go.

("Video" by India Arie playing in the background)

Sparky and Buster head down to the community center and start seeing an altercation between hair salon owners. The two are fighting over a parking space of all things, and it escalates into a brawl. The selected hair models can't intervene or else their hair will be ruined. Meanwhile, Jaylynn looks in the mirror and still hates her baldness. She tries on several outfits, but doesn't feel the need to continue. She has never felt uglier in her whole life. She even fights back tears as she looks in the mirror. Asil can hide her baldness of course, but she also feels uncomfortable about it. Sparky and Buster's e-mail to the Seattle media falls under deaf ears as no response comes in. The two are visibly concerned and start promoting their movement visually. They put up posters around the neighborhood with the phrase: "You really want to put this in your hair?" while also showing pictures of hairdressers putting lye and other questionable substances in the hair of girls and women. Some people notice, but not enough for a full-scale protest. Jaylynn decides to wear a wig until her actual hair grows back, and she walks around town feeling a little better about herself. She sees two little girls in dresses and no hair hanging out, smiling, and having a great time at a restaurant across the street. This forces her to reconsider her decision. As a little comic relief, RK is shown to be freaked out by Monty. Sparky and Buster's protest comes on Saturday, with the city of Seattle excited and on edge. A couple protesters show up near the community center, but they are forced away by police. Sparky and Buster are also asked to leave, but they decide to stay. The police calls in backup and it leads to a standoff. Pretty soon, there's a brawl between the cops and Sparky, Buster, and other people who have come to their defense. No guns were used at any point. That night, a bruised and disappointed Sparky and Buster gaze at the scene of the fight being cleaned up for tomorrow. They're still sitting near Northgate.

SPARKY: We can still do this. We stood our ground and if we get some people tomorrow, we could...

BUSTER: Sparky, it's over. We failed, just give it a rest.

SPARKY: Buster, why are you talking like that? I thought you believed in the cause.

BUSTER: I don't think I do anymore. This is getting us into too much trouble just to protest against something we could've potentially failed at.

SPARKY: But there's still one more day. We...

BUSTER: Sparky, for the last time, it's over. At the end of the day, we're just kids. What can we really do to make a change?

(Buster walks away at that very moment)

SPARKY: We...we can't. We really can't make a change. (Sparky starts crying)

SCENE 15

Northgate Community Center

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

The community center has rolled out the red carpet, usually reserved for big Hollywood events. Across the street, Sparky is standing alone with a picket sign that says: "Creamy Crack Kills." There are even big spotlights on the sides of the center. All the girls and women attending tried to make sure their hair was on point. The hair models inside have styles resembling the Eiffel Tower, a great white shark, King Neptune's trident, and a whirlpool. RK, KG, Wade, and Jaylynn have attended the show, along with the rest of the Masters of the Universe. Emily and Mona have attended as well, but refuse to even look at each other. Over 95 hair salons in the Northwest have entered the contest, and the grand prize is $2,000,000 in renovations for the winning salon.

WADE: I didn't think you would show up today. You've been really upset about your hair situation.

JAYLYNN: I was, but I guess it's because I never realized bald could be beautiful. I just needed to learn to love myself again.

ASIL: Hey.

JAYLYNN: Hey.

ASIL: Look, I'm really sorry about the hair thing...

JAYLYNN: It's OK, Asil. I was pretty hard on you about everything. The truth is, I'm insecure too. I didn't even realize how much until you showed me. Sometimes, it's really hard to kick the dirt off your shoulder and not let things get to you because the world is a very judgmental place. But as long as you own yourself, nobody can take away your pride and happiness.

ASIL: I can't believe I got all wrapped up in what those girls were saying about me. I guess we both have insecurity.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but we also have each other.

(Asil smiles and the two hug, which gives Jaylynn a big smile on her face)

(while holding a Cherry Tootsie Pop) RK: You know what I don't understand, Wade?

WADE: What don't you understand?

RK: Why is there chocolate in the center of Tootsie Pops? That crap is ridiculous. I mean, what kind of sane person puts chocolate in fruity candy and thinks that's OK? Yeah, I'm a kid and I want to suck on chocolate-covered fruit. That's like Michael Jackson advertising malt liquor.

(long pause)

(extremely confused tone) WADE:...What?

SCENE 16

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster is drinking a can of Pepsi and watching TV. He looks bored.

MALE REPORTER: It's a scene normally reserved for highly anticipated Hollywood blockbusters, but today, the stars are converging in one place for the fifth annual Pacific Northwest Hair Show. The city of Seattle is the backdrop for the first time ever as there are more than 95 hair salons with entry cards this year. Hair enthusiasts, a laundry list of press members, and plenty of spectators on hand to see the most creative salon walk away with the two million-dollar cash prize.

(The camera happens to pick up Sparky accidentally, and Buster's eyes widen)

BUSTER: Oh my God, Sparky's actually there! He really showed up! And I turned my back on him and crushed his spirit. Well, not anymore! Time to stand by his side again!

("The Game" by Motorhead playing in the background)

Buster walks outside with a sledgehammer and a rectangular mirror in front of him. He takes the hammer and throws it against the mirror, smashing it to pieces. Buster then walks through the shattered glass looking tough.

BUSTER: Damn, I think I got some glass in my shoe.

SCENE 17

Northgate Community Center

Interior Auditorium

Seattle, Washington

KG: Hey, where are Sparky and Buster? Anybody who's anybody is here today.

RK: Both of them think these things are shallow and disgusting so they decided not to show up. I wonder what they're doing though.

Across the street, Sparky is still holding up his sign but he's sitting on the sidewalk, looking disappointed and defeated.

SPARKY: I guess you can't win 'em all. But I'm not leaving until this show is over.

BUSTER: Sparky!

(Buster is running up to Sparky)

SPARKY: Buster? What are you doing here? I thought you gave up, remember?

BUSTER: Look, Sparky, I...wait, why are you sitting here?

SPARKY: The owners of that restaurant told me I had to buy something or I couldn't use the seats so I don't want to be bothered. You were saying?

BUSTER: Sparky, I'm so sorry for telling you it wouldn't work out and abandoning you. I was just so mad that nobody was listening to us that I took all of it out on you. You deserve a friend that will always stand by your side. So if you're going down, I'm going down with you.

SPARKY: Awwww, thanks Buster.

(Sparky and Buster hug, and Buster smells something)

BUSTER: Wait, what are you using?

SPARKY: Oh, a new cologne called Wilderness Man. I...I thought protesters were supposed to have an interesting smell. But I guess it doesn't matter. I think you were right. We really can't make a difference.

BUSTER: No, I'm not right, I'm never right. This isn't how the story ends, we're taking over that joint! You have the video?

SPARKY: Of course, in case I needed it.

BUSTER: I have a wicked plan. I looked back at Operation Chocolate Pudding and realized it was missing something: An operation. Come on!

(Sparky leaves his sign behind and he and Buster walk inside the community center)

SECURITY GUARD: Came to your senses, huh, kid?

SPARKY: Bite me.

BUSTER: Thank God this show is free because I totally forgot my wallet at home. Where's the control room in this place?

SPARKY: I think you need to take the stairs for that.

BUSTER: Crap! Operation Chocolate Pudding's only weakness! Alright, let's get busy.

40 SECONDS LATER

The two have walked up the stairs successfully, but it took Buster a longer amount of time.

BUSTER: Alright, we did it! I call this a job well done. Let's go home.

SPARKY: Buster, what about the plan?

BUSTER: We had to do more?!

(Sparky angrily stares at Buster)

BUSTER: Sorry, that climb really messed me up.

FEMALE EMCEE: Now, what we have here is the Buzzsaw Hairdo from Imagine Beauty Parlor in Boise, Idaho.

ASHLEY: I'm pretty sure I saw that last year.

GILCANIA: You definitely did. I don't think Idaho is going to win.

FEMALE EMCEE: Now, many believe that hair is dangerous, well, this style takes it to an extreme you never thought possible. Modeled by the gorgeous Vanessa Davenport, the Buzzsaw...

(The lights go out at that moment, and everybody starts screaming)

RK: OK, who escaped the metal detectors?

(The lights return, and on the LCD screen is a picture of a young African-American woman with a full head of hair. "I'd tap that!" chants start up as the hair show organizers don't understand what's going on.)

MALE ORGANIZER: OK, I demand to know what's going on right now! Who's up there in the projection room! Get them and bring them to me this instant!

SECURITY GUARD: Sir, I already checked. There's no one there.

MALE ORGANIZER: Then who the hell is responsible for this?!

SPARKY: I think I could explain, sir.

BUSTER: Me too.

(The crowd is in absolute confusion. Halley's jaw drops and she smacks herself in the face, creeping out Asil.)

JAYLYNN: This is NOT happening right now.

WADE: What are Sparky and Buster doing up there?!

RK: It hits the fan, it hits the fan.

KG: This was so worth two dollars!

RK: But this show was free.

KG: No, I paid a guy $2.00 for this seat so I could see better.

RK: Oh, kicking the knowledge there.

KG: Yup.

SPARKY: The lady...people...the lady in the...everybody calm down...

BUSTER: SHUT UP, WE'RE TALKING HERE!

(The crowd becomes silent.)

SPARKY: The lady in that picture is 22-year-old Larissa Hawkins, a Marquette graduate who had her life changed for good on May 26 one year ago. She was teased by her friends constantly for always having curly hair, so she decided that one day, she would straighten it. She wanted her friends to finally accept her.

BUSTER: She went to her local hair salon and received a deep creamy crack treatment since her hair had been curled for so long.

SPARKY: But she wasn't watched over for a good amount of time and the lye started burning her scalp. When the hairdressers returned, they had to put it out but it was too late.

SPARKY: Larissa didn't die that day, but she was inches away from it. More than half of her hair was burned off by the lye and she successfully sued the salon for pain and suffering. It took more than a year for her hair to grow back properly, she was scared to walk into hair salons again, and her friends never teased her again.

BUSTER: It's ridiculous to sit there and use chemicals like that just because you want your girls to look pretty. You're putting lives in danger using lye or lard or whatever it is to straighten hair. It's not worth it.

SPARKY: And you should never let someone take away your pride and self-worth, because you don't need to change who you are just because some people don't like what they see. If they think you're a problem because your hair is nappy or you're too skinny or your eyes are too big, they don't belong in your life.

BUSTER: It's time to fight back against BS like hair shows and beauty pageants. Why make everything a stupid contest? You're pretty enough without an award.

SPARKY: Yeah! Who's down with that?

(The crowd is still dead silent. A pin is literally heard dropping. The next thing you see is Sparky and Buster being escorted out of Northgate by security.)

BUSTER: You don't understand, we were trying to be nice about it!

SPARKY: I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT!

SECURITY GUARD: Yeah, whatever.

(The door of the center is closed.)

DOORMAN: You still didn't learn, did you?

SPARKY: Oh, go to Hell. Well, Buster, we tried our best and we still failed.

BUSTER: Yeah. I just wish we were able to change somebody's mind today.

RK: You changed mine.

HALLEY: And mine.

JAYLYNN: Once again, you guys manage to do something awesomesauce.

(Sparky and Buster turn around and see a smiling RK, Wade, Jaylynn, Halley, and Asil)

SPARKY: You guys liked it?

HALLEY: Of course we did, that speech was amazing. Here I am killing myself over my hair when you guys went through all this trouble just to teach people. You're like, the most awesome boyfriend ever.

SPARKY: You know, you're pretty cool too.

(The two chuckle and kiss)

WADE: Hey, KG liked the speech too, where is he?

RK: He stayed for the same reason every red-blooded male stays: To see the hot girls.

WADE: Oh, that makes sense.

BUSTER: Well, what do we do now?

ASIL: You guys want to go to Ike's?

SPARKY: Yeahhh, let's tie one on!

(The seven kids start cheering and whooping. They then walk off into the day.)

BUSTER: So, Jaylynn, when do you think your hair's growing back?

JAYLYNN: Probably in a week.

ASIL: That's scientifically impossible. Hair can't grow that fast.

JAYLYNN: Trust me, it can.

(The screen goes black and Testicular Sound Express is shown in a recording studio)

TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time!

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

("Brothers Gonna Work It Out" by Public Enemy playing in the end credits)

©2014 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. The Creamy Crack Manifesto B-Pass

PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES _(written on 11/7/14)_

-The original plan for this episode was entirely different but was still centered around Sparky and Buster. It was called "Fraternity Rules," and dealt with Sparky and Buster starting their own fraternity after hearing a college kid sing the praises of frat life. They get RK, Wade, and Jaylynn to join, but come up with ridiculous rules since they don't know how actual fraternities work and boss the other three around. RK, Wade, and Jaylynn become frustrated with the fraternity and leave. I might do this episode in the future, but there will be a few changes. First of all, Jaylynn is going to be alongside Buster since I could get a different style of humor from those two. Second, the other members of the fraternity would be recurring characters (KG, Bitch Clock, Asil, and Halley). Third, the B-plot would involve Sparky, RK, and Wade fixing up an old car so they can resell it, but they can't agree on what to do with the money and how to split it.

-I came up with the idea for "The Creamy Crack Manifesto" about a couple months ago and found it more interesting than "Fraternity Rules" at the time so I changed it. I wanted to do a social commentary episode early, especially after "Yellow Rights" didn't work out. I was worried it would come off as repetitive since this type of thing was already done with Sparky and Buster a few weeks back ("Slice of Fantastica") but I think it turned out well and the storyline felt fresh.

-Originally, the plan was for Diana, Adriana, and Anna to appear in the episode. But Diana obviously couldn't appear because she died. Adriana and Anna didn't appear because there was enough conflict in the episode without them. Adriana is actually going to have a big role in the next episode. Well, not a big one but she's going to have a more significant amount of screen time than usual. Especially since it's centered around Wade. RK will appear in the main plot, but the spotlight will be on Wade and his relationship with Adriana.

-The two subplots in this episode were created just recently. Since this is after the events of "Young, Stupid, and Pseudo-Religious," I wanted Jaylynn and Asil to do something together that would just further strengthen their friendship. Them both losing their hair was just meant to be comedic, but as I started writing the episode further, I decided to add a layer of emotion to it. Mrs. Rosenblum was supposed to make an appearance and attempt to set Jaylynn and Asil straight, but there was no room for an appearance. As for RK's plot, that's a case of real-life filling in the blanks. I'm so-so at volleyball, but I barely get an opportunity to show any skills and whenever I do, I don't always make the highlight reel for talent. Badminton is more my game, you know? I'm always interested in the kids doing things at school, but it's never been highly entertaining to me other than "The Trip." I'm still working on it because scenes at school usually are more interesting when they're the basis of the plot and not just put to the side like here.

-This was my second attempt at writing a _Boondocks_-style episode ("The Bad Boys Club" was the first, of course). This one was less influenced by _The Boondocks _than "The Bad Boys Club," but that doesn't make it any worse.

-I don't think I really explained how this concept came to be and what it means to _Thank You, Heavenly _as a whole. A year ago in English class (October 25, to be exact), our teacher Ms. Greeley showed us the Chris Rock documentary _Good Hair. _I thought it was pretty interesting, but something I would forget about. I still haven't. We were reading _The Autobiography of Malcolm X _and in it, you learn that black men conked their hair to straighten it out and look like white people. Black women would do something similar while also dying their hair and wearing colored wigs. Malcolm thought it was all a joke and regretted trying to look like the white man. That's why the documentary was shown to us. The scenes where Wade shows Sparky and Buster the DVD and the interaction at various hair salons were influenced by _Good Hair. _A couple months later, I came up with the idea for Sparky and Buster to protest a hair show of their own. It was a pretty weird concept at the time and still is, but it was all dependent on the execution.

-What's weird is that I've been indirectly giving Sparky a lot of character development in these episodes lately. Even though Wade and Jaylynn are supposed to be the political and rebellious ones of the group, Sparky is doing everything they're expected to do. It's a nice change of pace from how characters with Sparky's general personality act.

-What this means for the show is actually very important when it comes to race. Think about the concept for a second: Sparky and Buster, two relatively mild-mannered white kids, are outraged about an issue primarily affecting the African-American community. They're actively protesting, educating themselves on the issue and trying to educate others on the issue. This mostly stems from the fact that I'm black myself and I learn about these certain situations all the time. The characters frequently imitate black slang. Basically, _Thank You, Heavenly _is a colorless show. Whenever there's a need to address an issue concerning black people, Wade isn't even used most of the time. At the end of the day, Sparky and Buster realize the situation is unacceptable and desire to change it, regardless of their race.

-This episode teaches more of a lesson about self-confidence and less about hair. In fact, the hair situation is actually used more as a backdrop for a lesson to be wrapped around it. This didn't happen intentionally, since this was the kind of episode made to appeal to the black community. However, the message it presents is still universal and is relatable to anyone. With "The Bad Boys Club," I'm not saying only black people would understand it by any means. I'm saying that you kinda have to watch some of _The Bad Girls Club _in order to appreciate the episode. With "The Creamy Crack Manifesto," even if you don't know a thing about hair care products, you end up learning through the episode so you go on the same path as the characters themselves. In some way, you don't know anything they don't know. It's hard to explain in-depth, but with this one, most of it is seen through Sparky and Buster's eyes. They're not rebels or freedom fighters or activists. They're just two kids who don't understand the sense of a certain practice and feel like they can actually change it. I think that's what you could appreciate about this episode and _Thank You, Heavenly _in general when these issues are addressed.

-The DVD about hair shows was full of made-up information. I did this because when I first went into research for the episode, I realized that I couldn't really find any usable information for it so I decided to create my own. Researching about rape or child labor laws or alcoholism is important for your show, but something like hair obsession can be forgiven. It helps the story feel a little less artificial and technical, especially when characters suddenly know things they generally shouldn't.

-James Brown's guest appearance just happened. I didn't plan the episode out with the intention to do it, it just happened.

-About two weeks ago, my girlfriend Jay sent me 112 photos of herself in her Halloween costume on Facebook Messenger. It...was...awesome. The feeling I got that morning was unforgettable. So I decided to put that into the episode.

-I realize that Gilcania has the smallest role in the Masters of the Universe. Unlike the other four girls, nothing ensures her any opportunities to get her own storylines or develop her character further (she's technically Buster's friend but they don't have the same friendship like, say, RK and Ashley) so I'm going to see what I can do with her.

-It was a little fun to explore a more insecure, paranoid side of Asil's personality and Jaylynn actually get annoyed with her for the first time. A lot of the time, characters like Asil are basically animated versions of their real-life selves. This is because it becomes jarring very fast if they act like, well, pretty much any of the guys. But that also restricts their characterization and what I can do with them. There are some girls that can pull off different personalities other than the ones they originally came on the show with (Jaylynn, Halley to an extent) and there are some that I just can't do much with other than their real-life personality (Sanna). I like writing storylines like this because it allows me to look at these characters in different ways and do things with them that I wouldn't normally do.

-There are two gags I couldn't use since there wasn't enough room for them. When I originally came up with "The Creamy Crack Manifesto," I made up a joke idea where Buster would say that Jaylynn doesn't have to worry about her hair because it's short, and Asil doesn't have to worry about her hair because she's bald. Asil then tells Buster that she isn't bald just because she's wearing a hijab and she has actual hair under there. Buster is shocked by what he just learned, since he thought all Muslim girls had their heads shaved when they were little. In another gag, Jaylynn is pissed off after losing her hair and confronts Asil about it. Asil tells her no one will make fun of her for being bald but at that moment, Lynne takes the opportunity to make a snarky remark about Jaylynn's lack of hair. I really wish I could have used at least one of these gags.

-The ventriloquist dummy Monty was taken directly from the _That's So Raven _episode "Out of Control." It was my favorite part of the whole episode and I always imagined using it on the show. Originally, Monty was going to make an appearance in "The Cola-Bridge Wars" but of course, that fell through. Expect more appearances from him and his catchphrase "WHAT'S UP WITH THAAAAAATTTTTT?!"

-KG thinking RK was 22 was a meta-joke about how the kids behave and talk much older than they actually are.

-The "Video" montage was something I came up with during the episode's writing. I had thought about using the song for a while with Jaylynn being the focus, so I guess I somewhat achieved that goal. "Video" is the kind of song you really appreciate the older you get.

-It was a little difficult to write the scene where Buster leaves Sparky in tears because those two have such a close friendship and it's uncharacteristic of Buster to act like that towards anyone, especially Sparky. I only did that to help add some drama.

-One thing I love about writing these tirades for guys like RK is because even though they sound completely ridiculous on paper, they almost always make sense. I'm actually going to have Wade adopt "...What?" as his catchphrase whenever he sees or hears something he can't understand at all.

-Buster smashing the mirror with the sledgehammer is a direct reference to Triple H's entrance at The 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania. For his WWE Championship match against Randy Orton (which he won), Triple H threw his sledgehammer against the mirror to smash it to bits. I like using wrestling jokes because they appeal to a certain type of people and it gives the show more styles of humor to work with.

-Jaylynn was originally supposed to make the meta-joke about her hair growing back in a week at the hair show, but I thought the scene was perfect and it was much better suited for the ending, since I wanted to end on a joke.

-"Brothers Gonna Work It Out" was originally supposed to be used in "Fourth Grade Friday" last season, but I decided to go with "Work It Out" by the Jonas Brothers because "Brothers Gonna Work It Out" didn't fit as well into the story.

FUN FACT: I was almost in a position to start writing "The Creamy Crack Manifesto" exactly a year after seeing _Good Hair_, but "Night of Divinity" wasn't ready yet.


End file.
